Random Laughter

This one
with the blond hair
the green eyes
easily burned skin
a writer of all words witty
shorter than my normal requirements

This one
who is at least as random as I am
talks in parallel circles around me
he makes me laugh
and it makes me laugh to think I might make him laugh

A Demand

Love me, dammit.

A Point Beared

a sharpened pencil
literally to the point
the one I have becomes dull after the first stroke
I bear down too hard
my point is more unfocused than I mean for it to be

Unfounded Doubts

Bryan says I am unable to identify the difference between a rat and a squirrel. He seriously doubts my mental clarity on this point.

To My Dearest, Part 5

To: My Dearest
From: Medicated Lady
Re: Evaluation

There is compelling evidence that you do not feel you have made an error in judgment concerning me. This is disappointing as I had not terminated you; I had only put you on probation. I fully expected for you to come through a reassessment with no problems. However, it has come to my attention that you are refusing to return to your senses. Weeks gone by and now it seems you’ve redirected adoration toward another.

All possible scenarios have dwindled to a singular ray pointed at the Exit sign. It appears the fire alarm has been going off for some time now, everyone has left the building except me. It is strictly against company policy to leave me behind.

Since your resignation, I have considered your tenure with me. I contemplated what might be said if you were to realize your mistake.
- How dare you come back around after saying you were not ready for a relationship?
- How could you tell me you didn’t want to have sex with me anymore because you wanted to look around? How could you not see I was a good thing, right in front of you? There was nothing to look around for.
- I hate you.
- I love you.
- Let’s take things slow.
- Let’s fuck.

It is as this point that I have to express my disappointment with your finagling with wig shopkeepers. I would be remiss if I did not mention that your deception in this matter has not improved your performance evaluation.

As you know, company policy states that evaluations are given regardless of manner of discharge: resignation or termination. In this case, you resigned before I was able to terminate you. This gives me pause. Since I cannot give your evaluation to you, I give it to the world. It is not favorable. I would hope that, though you are not officially required to do so, you would not shirk your responsibilities and give me the opportunity to say I never want to see you again. Should you do this, your performance rating would dramatically increase.

I hope that you will be able to reconsider your position and come back to me in the future. If only so I can fire you.

So/Still

no longer a Facebook friend of his
kicked to the curb
he’d finally had enough
was it something I said
I don’t believe in optimism
you never talk to me anymore
I get it
I should mention in a fit of anger/broken-heartedness
I de-friended him momentarily, weeks ago
I deleted his number and email
but I apologized, went so far as to re-friend him
so/still somehow I don’t think I deserve his gesture of ill-will
and besides I’m horny
got some new sex books and wanna try out what I’ve been missing
in a fit of anger/indignation
I deleted Air Force John’s number, months ago
he’s no good
but I sure would like to cuddle
naked now

Ends

I loved her
She deserves my grief
but I can’t give it her
I don’t feel grief

when you die they all say that’s just awful justly awful awfully just
***

Bryan has decreed I must do an open mic night soon. I have no opposition other than it’s intimidating. Or it would be if I felt anything.
***

the skin of the dead does not take to makeup well. pores no longer absorb moisture, leaving a dried mud look, not quite in good taste.
***

I think my dog could use company. She likes other dogs. She likes people. So she needs me to get another dog and another boyfriend.

I feel that gaining weight is the death of dating. I keep remembering big fat Eva-dog at the shelter but now I am suspicious of why she’s heavy. Probably a pituitary gland tumor, maybe malignant. I wonder if Poppy would mourn her one-on-one time with me.
***

Thanks all for your well-wishes.

Yesterday I

Just yesterday, I was struggling to come up with something to blog about. My Aunt Celia died early this morning.

Completely Pointless Ruminations (as most ruminations are)

This whole time, I was thinking I had only recently licked my wounds from the ex of 2008. Then I remembered that last November I was developing a solid relationship with a guy who would 3 months later leave to go to Japan for a couple of years (aka the guy who left the country without telling me; I technically knew he was leaving but fuck him, he’s my story to tell now). Remember that? What fun. I called this man an asshole and he was but I still like to talk to him sometimes. I mean, he has that funny Wisconsin accent. Then the guy with the facial tic. Then that guy who diagnosed my knee problem, which would have gotten him a second date (I’m a hypochondriac) except he used “golly gee” and “holy smokes” during the conversation and I couldn’t live with that. No one could. Then there was the one I liked but it didn’t work out. Rapid fire dating. Airforce John. Oh, and remember the one who shaved his arms and had the smoothest arm skin I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry, but he was too short. 5’8 is too short for me and I know this but then I tell myself, “well maybe…” and then I remember that the height specifications I’ve set are important as soon as I meet the guy…I swear I feel as though we’re eye to eye even though he’s 9 inches above me. Aside from Gary Stubble of yesteryear, I’ve never been attracted to a short guy.

They fade quickly into mythology, don’t they?

There might be another shot at an Air Force man (too soon to tell). Mainly, it’s slow-going because I am so over putting out effort at the moment (as such, I’m ruminating over all of my lost loves, most of whom I didn’t mind losing). Ebb and flow, friends.

Miscellaneous Point of Purpose

I have some random man’s boxers on
maybe the ex’s or any sort of reasonable facsimile
or the Gay Man
or such

The utility of men’s undergarments
the user-friendly hole in the front
pisses me off
as women are trapped in bras, lycra
panties that don’t have any ass coverage
just shoestrings
and such

Which has nothing to do with the point
which is that if woman came from Adam’s rib
isn’t Adam to blame for everything

**Admittedly a rant but only because I have a fatalistic look on love and sometimes I need to blame another gender as a distraction for blaming myself for all things terrible in relationships.** or alternatively,